sacoolraki

引用(xj0318 @ 2005-06-22 18:10:29)

我大致上把taozy这位朋友写得改了一下，不知道对不对！

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The  student association  decide to visit Hong Wei Gold Foil Corporation on 2oth May. The agenda is as follows:
First ,  we will meet at the  school gate at 6:30 am. and set out on time at 6:40.
Second, we will listen to the report about the Factory general situation in the hall at 8:00;
and visit the flowing water line at nine;
and visit the labor union club at 11:00,where we will have a look at the manufactures exhibition;
Then we'll have our lunch at the dining room of company at 12:00.
Finally We will come back at 1：00 P.M.
Thank you for attention.

Student association
15th,May
[right][snapback]305447[/snapback][/right]

月份两处都错了。另外别全用and，用几个then，也不要都用we will，调换几处语序吧。看着有点生硬。

sacoolraki

引用(摆渡苹果 @ 2005-06-23 13:21:33)

引用(sacoolraki @ 2005-06-23 11:50:23)

引用(xj0318 @ 2005-06-22 18:10:29)

我大致上把taozy这位朋友写得改了一下，不知道对不对！

Notify
The  student association  decide to visit Hong Wei Gold Foil Corporation on 2oth May. The agenda is as follows:
First ,  we will meet at the  school gate at 6:30 am. and set out on time at 6:40.
Second, we will listen to the report about the Factory general situation in the hall at 8:00;
and visit the flowing water line at nine;
and visit the labor union club at 11:00,where we will have a look at the manufactures exhibition;
Then we'll have our lunch at the dining room of company at 12:00.
Finally We will come back at 1：00 P.M.
Thank you for attention.

Student association
15th,May
[right][snapback]305447[/snapback][/right]

月份两处都错了。另外别全用and，用几个then，也不要都用we will，调换几处语序吧。看着有点生硬。
[right][snapback]305802[/snapback][/right]

你怎么哪里都串啊。。。
这么经典，不愧老大
南瓜呢，出来比比！~
[right][snapback]305869[/snapback][/right]

就是到处溜达。。。其实我英语很一般的，之茵好像倒还不错。